Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
