I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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