My sheets look like a crime scene.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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