I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
