He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
