I wanna passion pit in your ass
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
