I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
