they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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