Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
