How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
