Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
