its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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