Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My ass is underappreciated
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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