so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
