I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
