she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
