I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
