OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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