so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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