So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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