before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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