dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
