dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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