Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
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