Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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