I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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