He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
