I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
