This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
