Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
barbara walters just said penis...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
