May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
