PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Randomize
