I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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