genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
