Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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