Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It was confusing and full of hummus
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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