why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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