Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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