we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
