It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
