It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
