I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize