i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Randomize
