He felt like a one man threesome
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Randomize
