dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
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