I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
