I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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