Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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