Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
