u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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