A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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