Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
