Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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