you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize