so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
