matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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