I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize