im six kinds of drunk right now
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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