My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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