He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
