I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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