I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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