Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
