i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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