Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
