yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
