I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
