i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
