her vagine was all disorganized.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
