And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
3pm strippers are depressing
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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