Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
