I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
