The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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