Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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