At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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