am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
