I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
